Attention Deficit Disorder
by My God Can Beat Up Your God
Summary: Kagome's twenty first century babbling manages to take its toll on Inuyasha's simple, uncomplicated, and vaguely small mind.
1. Part One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I don't really mind it all that much… Because if I had created Inuyasha, it probably wouldn't be all that interesting, knowing the ending and all. Plus I don't speak Japanese… So, you know...**

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**Chapter One**

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Kagome stood a few paces off of the nearest path, head tilted slightly, half glaring at the sun and half at the little black speck in the horizon that was Kaede's village.

The others stared.

Inuyasha twitched. "Can we get going now?"

"No," Kagome sat down. Cross-legged. In the dirt.

The others blinked.

"What?" The hanyou crossed his arms.

"I'm thinking," Kagome breathed out after a moment.

"You're... _thinking?"_ Inuyasha stated skeptically.

"Mmhmm."

"'Bout what, Kagome?" Shippou hobbled over to her.

The girl anachronism abruptly stood up. "It's a long story. We should get going. I'll tell you on the way," she started walking towards the path.

Everyone else let out a long suffering sigh.

"So what was it, Kagome?" Inuyasha shouted over his shoulder after a tense hour of silence, surprising everyone by actually caring.

"I can't tell you. It's too complicated and I'm afraid your head might violently combust if you tried to work it out."

Inuyasha stopped in front of her and glared. "Wha'd you say?"

Kagome continued to walk past him. "But you'd understand, Shippou," she gave him a motherly smile.

The kitsune grinned.

"It starts with the well," Kagome began.

"What about it?" Shippou asked.

"Who cares?"

"Shut up, Inuyasha. Anyway, the well is a portal back to feudal Japan, right?" Everyone nodded.

"A portal going back in time, such as this one, should technically bring you back to the same exact point in the past every time you use it and therefore cause no actually time passage to have occurred. This shows that the exact amount of time I'm traveling back to the past changes with every second."

Everyone just sort of stared at Kagome with a blank expression on their faces, except for Miroku, who was nodding his head in a sage-like manner, feigning comprehension and looking thoroughly concentrated. What a bluffer.

"Coming back to the 'future' should in turn cause me to come back to the exact point in time in which I had jumped through the well." She went on.

"No amount of time in the past could have _possibly _affected the time in the future since everything in the past has already been accounted for in said future."

Everybody continued staring.

"Likewise, Naraku doesn't exist in the future and therefore hasn't ruined the world, unless of course he was indirectly responsible for World War Two, Pearl Harbor, Hiroshima, Illegal drugs, and/or biochemical warfare. Therefore, our group of mixed and matched oddities of demons and humans and whatnot manage to save the world from everlasting destruction, total annihilation, ect, ect."

Insert more staring here. Inuyasha blinked.

"Now, knowing that it is impossible to change the future because everything in the past has already been accounted for, if I decided to leave - right now - and fill the well up with cement (assuming, of course, that the cement mixture doesn't travel through time, which could only happen if the cement mixture possessed a jewel fragment, in which case we'd have a lot more problems than just the well being sealed) everything would still be alright and wouldn't screw up everything that fate deemed worthy of happening.

Kagome took a deep breath and smiled. "My leaving would have already happened and in the great spiral of metaphysics would be inconsequential due to said statement of not being able to change the past. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home, open up a box of Lucky Charms, lay down and watch _House _instead of remaining here and potentially killing myself.

"And from another standpoint. I am the main character, without me the plot could not greatly proceed, and therefore Feudal Japan would stay in a semi-state of limbo until I deemed it worthwhile to continue my suicidal quest."

"Hey! _I'M_ the main character!" Inuyasha finally shouted.

"I'm sorry Inuyasha, but I really can't understand you when you mumble like that."

Dead silence.

"Don't worry everyone, I'm not leaving yet. I've still got a couple more paragraphs of pointless talking to go through."

Relieved sighs.

Kagome continued her rant. "Now, taking into account that the jewel shards were found in the twenty first century, we can safely assume that the shikon no tama was never completed. Consequently, neither our shard hunting group nor the gender confused Naraku ever found the last jewel shards, meaning that nothing of any importance happens concerning _any_ of us. This means that Inuyasha never gets to make his wish and probably causes Naraku to die of internal hemorrhaging after listening to him cuss and grunt for several hours."

Inuyasha's face lit up with unconcealed anger (mostly because he didn't understand what she had said, and not understanding pisses him off); he opened his mouth to retort, but Kagome yet again beat him to it.

"Before you start to cuss me out, I have a little to say on the subject of Kikyo before I go home and sleep," Kagome resumed blabbing. "She may as well be prettier than me, but as I'm only fifteen and yet to have fully developed (and seeing as we lack a photo of Kikyo when she was my age it'd be an inaccurate judgement anyway) she's still stuck in this crappy little time period with no bathrooms. Which probably wouldn't affect her _anyway_considering she's dead and doesn't eat and therefore doesn't need to 'relieve' herself."

Inuyasha blinked. Miroku blinked. Sango yawned. Shippou hugged Kagome's foot.

"And it's fully beyond my comprehension how someone who wanders around Feudal Japan with no sunscreen manages to stay so damn pale," She added.

"Kagome-sama, that mayhap be because she's... well, dead." Miroku commented.

"Touche."

"Wait... Kikyo was pale she died too, wasn't she?" Sango glanced at Kagome.

"Well then, I guess she's just... special."

Pause.

"Anyway, I'm leaving now. Bye and good luck with your, uh, quest." Kagome picked up her yellow bag and proceeded to walk back in the direction they came from.

The other members of group sat in silence for a minute before Inuyasha realized what she was doing.

"Wait, Kagome! You can't go home yet! We have to find the rest of the jewel shards!"

Kagome stopped midstep. "Were you _not_ listening to me talk for the last half hour? Is your attention span really that short?"

Inuyasha stared at Kagome. Blink, blink.

"I-I was listening to you! Wasn't I, guys?"

Silence.

"...Guys?"

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**End**

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**Next chapter: **Miroku cross examines Kagome's argument and Kagome decides she really _does_ need a nap.

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**I'd really appreciate it if you'd review! Of course, you realize, there is no real plot here, but I have fun writing anyway, and I'm going to continue to do so with or without any reviews, but it's nice to hear from you if you liked it. **


	2. Part Two

**A/N:** I can't believe I never posted (or finished editing) the second part of this. I am clearly a terrible person and I apologize for existing. Thank you for reviewing, especially in light of my whining.

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**Part Two**

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"Kagome," Miroku had caught up with the shikon shard detector and was tapping her politely on the shoulder. "I'm afraid that your theory on time travel has some very obvious flaws."

She raised an eyebrow, nonplussed. "Oh really?"

"Yes."

Kagome dropped her beaten yellow backpack on the ground and grudgingly waited for him to continue speaking. "I'm listening."

"Wonderful!" the monk smiled. The rest of the group groaned in exasperation. "Well, as for your first point on the passage of time... The well could simply be transporting you through a fixed amount of time when you pass through it. For instance, it could be programmed for exactly 499 years, 3 months and 17 days. Each time that you travel, you would go back and come forward the exact same amount. This would account for the observed passage in time both in the present and the future."

Kagome had no rebuke, so she settled for simply glaring at the monk.

"In response to your second point, Kagome: you are completely dismissing the possibility of alternate and parallel universes. Perhaps, rather than traveling back and forth through time, you are simply travelling to an alternate yet identical world in the past. In that case, you are right on one count: what you are doing here would have absolutely no real bearing on your own world. You could leave and absolutely nothing would change. But, on that note, you would be abandoning _our _world to possible total destruction," he sighed dramatically. "Think, Kagome. What would poor alternate you have to say about all of this?" Miroku shook his head and pursed his lips in disapproval. "I know alternate Miroku would be very disappointed with you."

Kagome, however, only rolled her eyes. "I'll give you credit on stumping me with the passage of time counterpoint. However, I can think of at least two incidences right off the top of my head—one of which involved my middle school's delightful Cultural Festival—where both shikon shards and youkai were present. If this were really a case of alternate universes, when I broke the shikon no tama in your 'alternate world' in the past, it should have resulted in my world being devoid of the shikon no tama in any form. Since this was clearly not the case, it is reasonable to assume that the well transports me back in time here. And that's not even counting the whole confusing Affections Touching Across Time subplot, but nobody cares since that isn't canon, so let's just move on."

Miroku frowned, and Kagome continued to speak, smiling cheekily. "That brings me right back to my initial statement that everything I do is accounted for already. Inuyasha bound to the Goshinboku again? Not my problem. He's not here in the future, so what do I care?"

She paused momentarily, furrowing her brow in contemplation. "Although this does make the whole 'Kikyo wandering around in the past with part of my soul' thing _very _confusing... I mean, you'd think if I travel back to the past, the last little piece of my soul would have returned to me by now. Unless!" Kagome gasped. "Obviously the only acceptable conclusion here is that Kikyo is still wandering around in my time, doing god knows what. Probably running an orphanage somewhere and cursing any poor hapless guys she runs across who are unlucky enough to have white hair and smell like a wet dog."

"Now, if you'll excuse me..." Kagome took a deep, satisfied breath and reached for her backpack, but was interrupted by the sound of Miroku lightly chuckling to himself.

"Not so fast, Kagome."

She looked at him skeptically.

After thinking for a moment, he continued, "These sorts of identical alternate universes would run in a loop of sorts, too. Meaning the Kagome of our alternate world is also likely traveling back in time and experiencing the exact same trials and tribulations that you are. Instead of saving her world, however, she would merely be saving and changing the future of another identical universe. So you see, although you may have lost _your _jewel shards in an alternate world, an alternate Kagome would have lost _her _shikon shards in _your _world, solving the paradox you proposed quite nicely."

Kagome paled visibly.

"You can see where I'm going with this, then." He smiled. "By all means, Kagome, go back to your own alternate universe. Indulge in your sugar and saturated fat, get lost in your tantalizingly corny soap operas and doom our world. I hope for your sake, though, that the identical alternate Kagome traveling back to _your _world's feudal time doesn't make the same decision. It'd be terrible to have your vacation interrupted by a raging shikon shard-inspired apocalypse."

With that, Miroku pat Kagome on the shoulder, spun around and continued to walk down the path towards Kaede's village.

Kagome picked up her yellow backpack, shoulders slumping slightly. "God damnit..."  
With a miserable groan, she followed Miroku down the road.

Inuyasha scratched his head. He scooted closer to Sango, who, although she had been listening thoughtfully, had little to contribute to the conversation. He whispered, "I'm confused. Is Kagome going home or not?"

The demon slayer shrugged. "Eh, I'd give her about a week."

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**fin**

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**A/N:** And now to find/fix up the conclusion to Kikyo's Delivery Service and Kikyo and Kagome... Those poor, lonely abandoned one-shot/two-parters... I guess it has been, like, six years. I can't in good conscience just leave them, though, even if they were the half-baked products of a bored teenage mind.


End file.
